On to My Story and My Dysregulated Nervous System

When I was six months old I had bacterial meningitis.  My father (who is no longer on this Earth) told me of the horror he felt the night he found me in my crib with my entire spine filled with fluid while I lay there lethargically.  My mom described it as my brain being on fire! 

A healthy regulated autonomic nervous system is always looking out for your survival, and it is hardwired to be on the lookout for anything that might be a threat to that survival(a true life threat or a perceived one based on your body's past experience) and automatically come out of parasympathetic ventral vagal (aka true rest and digest) and go into sympathetic (fight, flight or bite as I call it) or go into the more unfamiliar life-saving part of the parasympathetic nervous system called parasympathetic dorsal vagal (fawn or shutdown).   Read more on the fascinating way your autonomic nervous system functions HERE.

As an infant, completely dependent on my caregivers and unable to fight or flee from the bacterial attack my body was experiencing, my autonomic nervous system chose dorsal vagal shutdown for my survival.  Trauma stays in the body if emotions about the trauma are not cleared.  An infant (and most adults) cannot do this on their own!  Plus, my system was already "hardwired" with depression tendencies because my mother and her mother had experienced several bouts of major depression. 

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My system learned a pattern of survival and it's like a gear got stuck. 

I grew up and developed, but my nervous system "remembered" what happened and would go into a form of dorsal vagal shutdown whenever my body was stressed or felt threatened - be it real or perceived, and it would stay that way for months.  This started after I got pregnant with my one and only child.  Hello depression, which thanks to my angels and guides I now know as depress(SHEN).  My body was depressing SHEN!!  I wanted to learn how to correct this pattern and how to nurture a healthy regulated nervous system.  I discovered that a dysregulated nervous system decreases the ability to feel connected to other people and to life, and it makes us prone to physical and mental dis-ease because it blocks the flow of QI and our ability to connect with SHEN.  This can have a tremendous negative impact on each of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies.

 

What I did BEFORE I understood my dysregulated nervous system...

If you have an open wound without any known cause, the bleeding needs to be stopped before you try to figure out how it happened.  So, 20 years ago I did what was recommended which was go to a doctor who prescribed me antidepressants.  I knew they were a "band-aid" and I was extremely grateful for some relief, but I knew in my soul that medication alone would not be the answer.  I began practicing yoga and meditation by taking many different yoga classes with different teachers and yoga videos.  I knew exercise was good for managing depression, but yoga made me curious about who I am.  I have always been an HSP (a highly sensitive person which I now know is what helps me be empathic), so to do anything with a group of people was always uncomfortable for me.  I couldn't quite find the space to practice where I felt like I belonged.  I decided to study yoga so I could teach it to myself.  I learned about prana (the life force energy that yoga helps flow) and realized that my depression was more than a chemical imbalance and was greatly influenced by emotions stuck in the tissues in the body as a result of a dysregulated nervous system.  I also learned how yoga could help me with my sensitivity so I could be more comfortable in this world with other people.  For the first time, I felt empowered to influence the flow of energy in my body. I wanted to help other people feel the same.  

 

Then depress(SHEN) happened AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN...

I was put on MORE anti-depressants (most of which did nothing and I was labeled with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder.  Not something I wanted on a resume!)  My journey included various psychiatrists, antidepressants, chiropractors, family medicine doctors, Functional Medicine doctors, acupuncturists, Reiki masters, yoga therapists, many different types of healers, life coaches, Electroconvulsive therapy (ElectrocuSHEN) aka ECT, of which I have had over 60 treatments since age 33, several rounds of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (StimulaSHEN), Sprovato, sauna therapy, massage therapy, light therapy, dietary changes, and Functional Medicine and gut healing.  I even went to the Daniel Amen clinic in Maryland.  Some of these really did help with my symptoms, and I met some amazing people whom I still have contact with today.  Recently, I had IV Ketamine Infusions (infuSHENS) which helped tremendously because my delicate nervous system was given some support it really needed.  I received these treatments at New Pathways Clinic in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, which I highly recommend.   If you are considering TMS, I recommend Alamir Health in Westlake, Ohio.

My episodes would come and go... each one being a little different than the previous one(thus all the different types of interventions I explored), and each one lasting anywhere from three to nine months!

Depending on the severity of the episode and my level of "shutdown", I did not work and I withdrew from life almost completely.  Thankfully, I have a loving husband and family who were by my side for each episode.

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When I wasn't in an episode...

When I wasn't in an episode, I engaged in teaching and studying yoga and the chakra system, studying Reiki and energy medicine, learning Qigong (which really interested me), and integrating all of it with what I learned about the human body and psyche in my Occupational Therapy training. During each episode, I would experience tremors and shaking, with varying degrees of intensity.  I told two of my doctors that something was off with my nervous system!  All my blood work showed that my thyroid and endocrine system were totally "normal", yet my body SHOOK.  It shook so much that during one particularly intense episode (these would last months at a time) I lost 30 pounds.  The shaking indicated to me that my nervous system was dysregulated. My thinking brain could tell me that I was safe, at home surrounded by people that loved me and could care for me.  That didn't matter to my nervous system... in particular to my brainstem and my cranial nerves which don't understand language.

I asked my angels and guides for help and it became very clear to me that my body did not feel "safe".  It also became clear that if I could regulate my nervous system so that my body felt SAFE, I could clear the stuck energy and stuck emotions that that were either a part of the cause of my depress(SHEN) and anxiety, or a result of going through those intense and devastating depressive episodes.... This was an explo(SHEN) of my evolu(SHEN), connect(SHEN), inspira(SHEN), intui(SHEN), and unifica(SHEN) of JING, SHEN anf QI!  More information was "downloaded" to me from my angels and guides, and my nervous system finally started to feel safe!!

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     My physical energy and the energy systems that make up the energetic "blue-print" of my body finally began to change!!!  WOW... what a transforma(SHEN)!   I believe there is a reason for everything, and as truly awful and debilitating as some of my episodes were, I also came out of each one with a heightened spiritual awareness and increased intui(SHEN). 

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     Needless to say, my "yoga" has morphed into more than just the yoga poses, philosophy, and benefits.  I use a multi-directional approach that includes the physical body (nutrition, sleep, movement), the emotional body (beliefs, behavioral patterns), and the energetic body (where and how energy gets stuck in the body and how to move it).  I have studied extensively all kinds of ways to influence energy flow, including passive and active stretching, energy medicine techniques, breathing, acupressure, visualization, mantras, mudras, sound healing, and Qigong, to name a few.   I wanted to know how to positively influence the flow of energy on many different levels and I continue to explore the endless possibilities.   This is part of my everyday "diet."  Seems overwhelming, but once I knew how to get quiet and pay attend(SHEN) to my body that was screaming ATTENTION(!!!), it came very easily and naturally.

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“Until you practice surrender, the spiritual dimension is something you read about, talk about, get excited about, write books about, think about, believe in — or don’t, as the case may be. It makes no difference. Not until you surrender does it become a living reality in your life.”  Eckhart Tolle

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   I was shown and taught by my angels and guides how to keep a nervous system regulated through yoga, qigong, a healthy lifestyle, energy healing, energy medicine, and various physical and energy techniques..  I keep my own nervous system regulated by doing the above-mentioned things for myself. I have an ongoing surrendering to my depression and anxiety, the emotions that were a possible source of my diagnoses, and the emotions that were/are a result of all the suffering from the depression episodes themselves.  

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Express(SHEN) of Gratitude for my journey thus far and the gifts that have been awakened in me...

I thank LOVE/Mother Father God Consciousness for what I have been through.  I am able to help people to surrender to and release the uncomfortable emotions that are either the cause of something showing up as "dis-ease" OR  the emotions that are a result of some form of "dis-ease."  What does "dis-ease" look and feel like?   To answer this question, ask another.... "Am I as comfortable and happy in my body, health, lifestyle, relationships, society, and in the world as I think I can be?"  Then you will know what "dis-ease" is and if you have it.

My hope for my classes, private sess(SHENS), and for my own growth is that I provide a space and opportunity for the release of ten(SHEN) and emo(SHEN) so that the loving force of SHEN can be utilized to move the Qi in a more loving way so you may know yourself because YOU R SELF.... YOU R SHEN.